in my usual spot at a hiking parking lot was a dead deer that had been pulled inside out from its skin and ripped apart. you couldn’t tell which body part was which. it was so violent. it might be one of the most disturbing things i have ever seen, and i used to do taxidermy. it was left in the middle of the pavement looking like something from a horror movie. i put my hand on my heart and tried to witness it, but it was so distressing that i kept looking away. i felt so weak and powerless. i didn’t know how to help or honor the deer in this situation. i could barely keep myself from throwing up.

my cat is sleeping on my chest now, my body still tense while reliving the gore. i have seen violence bestowed on wildlife before and did not have this intense of a reaction. this one, i think, was the setting. it wasn’t in the process of being harvested or eaten in its own landscape. it was in the middle of the parking lot like discarded trash. i couldn’t tell if it was human or animal that had put it there, but either way it did not belong.